Elusive

Love is so elusive

It can dishearten a man

Futile to chase anymore

Whether impatient, naïve, or stupid, all I get are closed doors

Pursuing love is pursuing insanity

With nothing to show except the scars

Against me, the odds are stacked

Stagnant and stuck in the pit of tar

Created by my pitfalls

I owned responsibility, but I still owe time

I’m more afraid I won’t find the light

At the end of the tunnel line

Won’t be able to attain what’s mine

The ability and blessing to build a loving family

So I can be proud of them and they can be proud of me

If not for me, then for my family, I’ll rise

Show my better half that for her, I’ll live and die

Hold her tightly without being abusive or clingy

Prove everyday it was the best decision for her to marry me

Teach my seed to separate the truth from lies

Seek the best, nothing less, no compromise

Have an informed opinion, stand and be counted

Walk in bold confidence with humility mounted

I’m not seeing the end of my struggle

I guess I could recompose like a football huddle

Yet I’m terrified my biggest dream will not come to fruition

That’s how my doubt was borne from suspicion

That needs to change, but how does one go from fitful to faithful?

Is my fate full of logistical disappointments and emotional screw-ups?

Is it outside the realm of my understanding?

Head knowledge insufficient to capture the captivating essence

That is Love

So elusive

I’m told that one day, I will find Love, too

I’m thinking they have more faith in me than I do

And a part of me wonders if they even have a clue

Some of my friends caught it and acted on it

Then, another group of friends caught a conundrum

It’s not only I that feels it

Others also deal with it

The ever-present, hard-pressing question: Why not me?

Our insecurities make us think the reasons are clear when they are truly opaque

End up searching for vague traces, risk coming up with fakes, for the sake of finally exclaiming the capture of something as elusive as a white stag

Chase forward, stumble back into madness

And you know what? I’d like to keep what’s left of my sanity

Here’s what I say: “SCREW LOVE!”

Nah, nah, nah…

I can’t say that because the one thing that screws harder…

is loneliness…

“Love and I are taking a break…”

What break? It was never there in the first place!

“Romance doesn’t like me…”

To that statement, I’m a believer…

Then again, death doesn’t like me, either…

Therefore I should be a keeper!

My robust zest is infectious!

A pessimist could smile…slightly

Life cannot be taken lightly, yet there are reasons it isn’t as unsightly as it could be

And finding those reasons are my specialty!

Yet I remain here

No reason or rhyme

And I’m speechless this time

Except for this line of thought:

I will pursue my ambitions

Overcome the challenges on my conditions

If it wants my attention, it doesn’t have to be deep

Pick any day to put me on the receiving end of a judo sweep

If it’s meant to be or not to be, so be it

Until then, Love, stay elusive and stay out of my way